It starts even before I was pregnant with him, and for records sake I would like to start from the very beginning and include as many details of this journey as possible. So here we go...
Soon after Jensen was born I started thinking about HIS birth. It was normal by modern day standards and the results were what any parent would want... A healthy baby boy. But I wasn't completely satisfied. During his labor we were presented with the possibility of a C-section. It was random and out of the blue to both McKay and I. We were only informed about the c-section possibility as they were bringing the paper work to us. I had already been given the epidural and was completely numb so I felt like I was not in control of my body. My baby was distressed, but there was not much that I could do about it, but I knew that I did NOT want a C-section. A c- section is for medical emergencies and I did not feel like that situation was an emergency, there had to be another way to handle things. Luckily in the end Jensen stopped showing signs of distress and I was able to deliver him normally.
A year went by and I knew that I wanted my next birth to be different. So I researched and decided that a more natural approach to child birth was what I needed. After all I am young, my body has proven that it knows how to give birth, so I was ready to mix things up a bit.
So first step was, find a midwife. Someone who did not rely so heavily on modern medicine, yet would still allow me to deliver in a hospital so that in case of a true emergency my baby and I could be cared for. There are not many midwives in Idaho Falls, but I found one and I LOVED going to her. During our first appointment I opened up to her about my desire for a more natural birth. I told her I was wanting to have the baby drug free, but that I was really nervous about it because I have a VERY low pain tolerance. Like crazy low, period cramps send me to the pain pill...
She recommended Hypno birthing classes to me as a way for me to prepare for the birth in a more natural way. I had already read some about hypno birthing and really liked what I had read so I was excited to have her recommendation. In fact she had taught hypno birthing classes at the U of U so she was VERY familiar with it. One major hurdle that many hypno birthing parents have to get over is convincing their health provider to allow them to birth naturally with no medical intervention. So it was so nice that we didn't have to worry about that. Our midwife was already on our side and helping us along the way.
So I bought the hypo birthing book, read it and started practicing the relaxation techniques every night before bed. Hypnobirthing takes a lot of focus and practice in order to achieve a calm and relaxed birth in the end. You have to train your body and mind to work together, it is such an interesting process. I am amazed at how little I knew about my body and its natural abilities to birth a baby. EVERYTHING that you need during pregnancy, labor, and birth is already built into your body. I learned to trust my body and my baby.
So I practiced and my belly grew. There are hypnobirthing classes that you can take, but I figured that I would just save the money and just read the book on my own. Honestly I think that I really just didn't want to feel "pressured" to birth naturally without drugs and I knew if I spent the money on the class I would feel the pressure to actually follow through on my baby's birthing day. So I avoided the class. Well about two months before my due date McKay started to really get into the hypnobirthing stuff. He read the book, talked me through things, and became my biggest supporter. He was all for a natural birth and really wanted to help me achieve my goal. He also began pushing me to take the class, if we were going to try their relaxation techniques he wanted us to be completely prepared. So I looked up the class schedule and discovered they had one for the month of Sept. We signed up and I came to terms with the fact that I REALLY was going to do this.
I can not say enough good things about the class. It was so great and really helped us. We learned so much more then we could have ever learned from the book and it was nice to have that time together once a week to really focus on this new baby coming into our lives. I am so happy that we decided to take the class. We practiced relaxing and talked A LOT about the birth during that last month of pregnancy. We mapped things out and prepared for delivery.
Then the waiting game began. No one, myself included, really thought that the baby would come before the due date. I am known for going late. And since I had never actually dilated on my own (without help from medication) I was slightly worried that I might not even be able to go into labor on my own. haha
The waiting game was NOT fun...
Here we are "entertaining" ourselves. Look at all those cute pregnant bellies :)
The kids even went "camping" in the backyard with daddy one night.
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Well 2 days before my due date I started having consistent contractions late afternoon/early evening. They were 20 minutes apart and stayed 20 minutes apart until they just stopped at 2:00 am. The next day the same thing happened again late afternoon early evening except the contractions were about 10 minutes apart. I could tell my body was getting ready, but I still didn't believe that I was dilated at all yet. I had asked to not be checked at my last appointment so I had no idea where things were at.
Then on the evening of my "due date" I was done and ready to stop thinking about labor, birth, the hospital. I was ready to move on with life! I knew I might be close so I decided to just test things a bit and go for a walk. We loaded up the kids and headed to the park. I walked close to 2 miles that night and had the normal consistent contractions again. This time they were 6 minutes apart. I was disappointed... 6 minutes was close, but not close enough. I figured these contractions would go away just like the last two nights and I would just be left tired and worn out at 2 am when I would finally get to go to sleep. So we started to get the kids ready for bed and clean up for the evening. While cleaning a few contractions got as close at 4 minutes apart and I started to get excited again. I told McKay to act as if we might go to the hospital that night. He started to get excited too. Bed time came and I rested/relaxed for a bit trying to sleep, but I soon realized that I was not going to be able to sleep. So I got up and did figure eights around my kitchen trying to keep things moving.
After a while I finally went back to the bed and listened to a few of my relaxation CD's. This was around 2 am and thanks to all of my practicing I was able to fully relax in between contractions and then carefully breathe through the actual contraction.
This is where I must confess. I felt pain. I was not super relaxed during my contractions. They hurt, and they hurt a lot. Hypnbirthing claims that a mother should not have to feel pain, only pressure. Well I felt pain even with all of my relaxing through the contractions, BUT I was in control. I was calm and I was focused. So even though my labor/delivery was not pain free it was a calm and controlled (atleast until the last 1/2 hour).
Anyways, around 2:30 am I had an especially hard contraction and let out a little cry of sorts. That little cry woke McKay up in the bed next to me, and I confessed that I was in pain and needed his help with some other relaxation techniques. So he stayed up with me all night reading to me, encouraging me, and giving me back massages. I am so grateful for his endless support, just having him there made things more bearable. At 4:30 am Contractions were still only 4-6 minutes apart, but I finally decided that I was ready to go to go get things checked out at the hospital. So we called our babysitter and had her get ready. Around 6 am we headed out the door. I sort of felt silly for going to the hospital at that point because I could still easily move around, talk, eat, rest in between contractions, but every time a contraction came I was convinced the baby must be coming soon because of the intensity of the contraction. I remember praying on the way to the hospital for me to be dilated to AT LEAST 4 cm.
Once checked into the hospital the nurse checked me and she said well I can't decide between a 7 cm or 8 cm. I was thrilled! My body was actually in labor on its own! lol I just looked at her and asked "so I can stay?" (honestly I was fully prepared to go home if my body wasn't ready on its own). She just looked at me a little confused and said of course.
While in the hospital I spent most of the early morning on the birthing ball and in the tub. I was really quite exhausted by this point, but still very calm. 12 hrs of labor behind me and I knew that the hardest parts were yet to come. My midwife was so amazing at this point. She and her assistant stayed in my room during the rest of my labor. I had honestly expected her to just come "catch the baby" but since the clinic was not open yet she was able to stay and help me work through the contractions.
Contractions kept coming but progress was slow and I was really tired. My midwife presented me with the option of breaking my water (it was already bulging and would have broken soon) to help get Declin's head into the right position. McKay wanted me to say no and honestly I maybe should have since that was the hypnobirthing way (as little intervention as possible), but the idea of just "getting on with it" was too enticing to me at that moment. I knew I was really loosing steam and didn't want to loose all my control completely. So speeding things up sounded like a good option. I got back into the bed and they broke my water.
Things went very fast after they broke my water. Contractions came faster, and I could feel Declin moving into position. This part was hard. It hurt and there were very few breaks between those hard parts to recover. I had McKay, my midwife, and the assistant on 3 sides of me performing counter pressure. Oh thank heavens for that counter pressure! That helped SO much and kept me from loosing it during each contraction. 30 minutes later I was ready to breathe/push my baby down. Once again, similar to breaking the water, I wish I had had patience to breathe my baby down more instead of pushing the baby out (in hypnobirthing you don't forcefully push your baby out you breathe it down and let your body naturally push your baby out) but the second I felt like pushing I was pushing with all my energy. I just wanted the pain to end! So after 3 contractions of pushing, Declin Dwayne Pace entered this world.
He weighed 7 lbs 14 oz (one ounce smaller then Jensen, making him my smallest baby)
He was 21 inches tall (Same as both of my other kids)
The cord was very long and wrapped around his neck and body several times. Luckily he was still able to breathe and was doing fine they just had to twist him around a few times to get him untangled. So happy that everything went ok! McKay announced that it was a boy (we had not known the gender) and I just layed there catching my breath.
Honestly I was so weak at that point I could barely hold him or even focus very well. I really was so happy that he was here, but I think was still in shock from the birthing experience. It was a VERY intense and emotional process for me. So McKay and the nurses went about positioning him on my chest and helping him be comfortable. After a couple minutes I was able to refocus and connect with my brand new baby boy. Oh and that dark hair, I just about died when I saw it! So cute!
Unlike my past births where I tore a decent a amount, this time I barely even tore at all and one tiny little stitch later I was as good as new. They called it a button tear. I think it really helped that while birthing my legs were not up high in the stirrups. My midwife allowed me to choose a different birthing position that I felt was more comfortable for my body. Soon after the stitching the cramps came and they came hard. They say you cramp after birth the more the more children you have since your uterus has already been stretched and I totally agree. 30 minutes after delivery I was begging for some pain meds so that I could just relax and enjoy my baby. My sweet nurse helped me out and a few hours later after a hot bath, shower, and pain meds I was a new woman!
Oh and I must give a quick thank you to all of the staff at the hospital. They were totally supportive of our desire for a natural birth and really just tried to make me as comfortable as possible while letting us do our own thing. No one forced me to lay in the bed the whole time, or try and force me to get an epidural. They wanted me to have my natural birth just as much as I wanted it. :)
Once everyone was cleaned up, McKay and I were in heaven enjoying sweet little baby boy. I loved the bonding time we got in the hospital and I was so happy it was all over and we were on the road to recovery with our healthy baby boy.
My final thoughts. I know this has been the worlds longest post, but I have a few remaining thoughts. No my birth was not a "perfect" birth by hypnobirthing standards and right after giving birth to Declin I felt like I had failed. I did not have a pain free birth that I had worked for, and honestly it was one of the most intense experiences of my life and not all of that intensity was good. I felt bad for not having kept my control those last few moments of labor, and I felt like all of my practicing had gone to waste. McKay, the nurse, my midwife, etc. all were trying to tell me what an amazing job I had done, and I didn't believe them at the time. Right after his birth I vowed I would always get an epidural from here on out no matter what. But after pondering on it for the past week I have realized that I didn't fail. Yes it hurt but I did it, without tears, without anger, and with love. I did the best I could and I accomplished a really big thing. I know Declin benefited from all of my relaxation practice throughout my pregnancy and I am happy that I learned so much about my body and giving birth through this experience. Giving birth is a beautiful and miraculous thing that our bodies can do and I am so grateful to my heavenly father for trusting me with one (or 3) of his precious children to raise.
And no I still have no idea if I will do it again...
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